People have all these completely unrealistic expectations when they go on a diet. They seem to be thinking they’ll lose a few pounds and become “perfect”. You’ll magically get a flat stomach, a thigh gap, a nice ass, you’ll look slim, you’ll be fit and “everything looks good on skinny”, right?
When I say “diet”, I mean something quick and easy, like SGD, ABC, 2-4-6-8, 2:5, pure fasting, whatever works, you want the transformation to happen FAST, right now, preferably yesterday, right?
That’s not how these diets work. You’re so wrong and it makes me want to scream. You’re playing with fire, balancing on a razor-sharp edge, you really don’t have a clue, do you?
It’s like the Titanic. You’re so excited, everything seems to be working out so well at first. You’ll lose a few pounds but before you know it your metabolism will sink faster than the Titanic went down and this is where it gets really dangerous. You’ve seen some results and you want more. You keep thinking you’ll have to push yourself harder, eat just a bit less, work out just a little more, maybe you’ll find info about the toothbrush-thing online, you’ll read about lax, you’ll read about fasting, you’ll brainwash yourself into believing you’re not strict enough. You’re not controlled enough, strong enough, disciplined enough, not dedicated enough. So you’ll keep trying. You’ll drive yourself to the ground and at this point you don’t really care about the cost or the consequences. “Just a few more pounds and I’ll stop”. If you reach your goal weight - you won’t be happy. You won’t feel satisfied. You won’t think “I look perfect, this was so worth it! I’ll stop here, this is exactly what I wanted”.
You will absolutely NOT slip into your dream-jeans and feel flawless. You will absolutely not wear that bikini you pictured yourself looking great in, you will not wear those short skirts or crop tops.
In reality you’ll still feel fat and you’ll lower your goal weight, hoping you’ll feel just a bit better if you get there. Just a bit thinner, a few more pounds. Before you know it you’ve gotten to the “never thin enough” stage and without even realizing, you find yourself willing to die for your cause. “At least I’ll be thin, right?”
You will hide your body. You will be disgusted. You will hate every inch of you there is. You will look at yourself with hatred, you will pinch at your “fat”, you will scrutinize your “problem areas”, you will spend hours in front of the mirror, you will try outfit after outfit, tossing them all aside as your heart breaks a little more each time. Your phone or camera will be filled with pictures of your body from every angle there is. You will not be able to walk past a mirror without looking at your reflection, you will not be able to walk past a window without being aware of the “obese” reflection who follows you as you go. As the sun sets behind you, you’ll take a look at your long, slender shadow and wish you looked a little more like that and you’ll think to yourself you need to be just a bit stricter, eat just a little less, purge a little more, run a little faster, whatever it takes, whatever it takes, you’ll get there.
Not to mention the awesome social life you pictured when you started! Looking good in everything, having lots of friends, lots of fun, partying, drinking, dancing, adventures, boys, girls, you’ll be confident, you’ll have great sex, you’re convinced all these things will magically happen if you just become thin. If you just prove how much self control you have, how much willpower you have, if you prove how strong you are when you put your mind to it.
For starters; friends. After a while you’re lucky if you have anyone at all. You’ll push them away, you’ll prioritize working out over friends, you’ll cancel because you feel fat, you’ll cancel because you don’t have the energy to hang out or most of all; you’ll cancel because there will probably be food, food you can no longer allow yourself to eat. You’ll most definitely push your family away to protect your cause. You will lie to defend your eating habits and odd behavior. You will lie to their faces and break their hearts.
You will not have fun, you’ll be too busy worrying about what others might think of you, you’ll be busy wondering if they think you’re as fat as you do. You are not confident, you feel too weak to dance, you’ll pass on drinks because they contain calories, calories you can’t afford to consume because you’ll ruin your “progress”. You will not go on adventures, you’ll be at home feeling too fat and exhausted. You will not have sex because you cannot stand the thought of showing your body to anyone else. You will not wear amazing outfits and cute dresses.
Skinny for summer or whatever your reason for considering a diet is - all the diets you find online is a death trap. It’s a void that’ll absorb everything you ever cared about. It’ll leave you hollow, empty, sad, depressed, by now you might have resorted to self harming as a way to punish yourself for your mistakes - I know I did. Anxiety, thoughts about suicide, one thing leads to another, who knows what might become your reality.
If you’re LUCKY, someone will see through your lies. Someone will confront you, if you’re lucky you’ll get help FAST. The sooner you get help - the better your odds of recovering are.
If you’re unlucky, you’ll get stuck. This will become your everyday life. This will be how you live, how you exist, how you float through the ruins of the life you once had while your memories of how it used to be slowly vanishes until you no longer remember your life before. If you’re unlucky you’ll remain in this purgatory for years and maybe you wont ever escape. Life goes on for everyone but you. Skeletons do not live and thin didn’t make you happy. You know that by now, but it’s too little, too late.
You’re left with two choices. Either, you recover or you die. Everyday you’re not fighting - you’re dying. Even your body has a limit. Even your body can shut down at any moment.
I don’t care who you are, if I know you, if we’ve ever spoken before but I beg you; DO NOT GO ON A DIET. Don’t fall for this. Don’t sacrifice your current life for this. Don’t even for a second let yourself be fooled to think this won’t happen to you, that you’ll be the exception who ends up happy, thin and has all her/his wishes granted.
I wrote this because it’s the truth. This has been my life for more than eleven years, this is my life. I am not happy and the reason I’ve taken the time to write this is because I DON’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANY OF YOU. Please don’t make the same mistakes I made. Unfortunately I did not have the ability to learn from others mistakes. Unfortunately I was stubborn enough to believe I WOULD be the exception, the exception who’d end up thin and happy. I was wrong and I have to suffer the consequences of my decisions and actions. I am paying dearly for my mistakes.
(about the picture; taken in 2010. Was I thin? Yes. Look at this picture and tell me you believe I thought I was pretty or that I ever thought this is worth it, I dare you.)
Don’t go on a diet. Don’t think you’ll be the happy exception. Don’t give up your life for this. Don’t think you’ll “just try it” and stop. Just don’t, please.